ArcaMax

Q: My mother told me directly that the loans my sisters and brother received would be taken out of their inheritance. My mother passed away 10 years ago. I just found out that my siblings never repaid those loans.

We have never been close, so out of nastiness shown by them to me I asked them to send me my share of their unpaid loans. Will I get it? There was never a paper trail or written agreement. But, they all knew what my mother wanted. We all received a hefty inheritance, but they also received generous loans from my mother.

A: We understand your frustration with your siblings’ failure to repay family loans. It’s a common occurrence.

Families will often write each other checks. If these are “loans,” they’re not treated as such. Debts, loans, and other transactions should always be in writing to prevent misunderstandings. Having them in writing also helps keep people honest. If they’re not in writing, you’re relying on someone else’s word that what you thought of as a loan is actually a gift. Not very satisfying.

The next backstop is the estate paperwork. Your mother’s will should have outlined her wishes and how her assets should be distributed upon her death. Had your mom really wanted a different distribution of money when she died, she should have stated that each child would receive from her estate a certain share less whatever money they owed your mom at the time of her death.

To track the loans, debts, and repayments, your mom would have needed to have a ledger book showing what each child owed. That way, the executor of the will could deduct the debts owed to your mom.

Few parents have their children sign promissory notes for their debts. We’re sure that’s the case here. Also, we doubt that your mom included a statement in her will either deducting a specific sum to be paid to each of your siblings for the debts owed to her or stating her wishes to split her estate differently to each kid that owed her money.

What really surprised us is how much time has passed since your mother’s death. It’s been 10 years. Why are you just raising this issue now? It’s long past time to go after your siblings for this money. The time to settle up with your siblings was when her estate was open. Then, the executor of the estate could handle any issues relating to loans outstanding, unpaid debts, monies owed to your mom and any money that your mom owed to others.

We doubt that you’ll be able to force your siblings to pay you anything. Even if everyone knew what your mom’s wishes were, it’s been 10 years that everyone has thought of their share of the estate as their own money. By your own admission, you don’t have a great relationship with your siblings. Bringing this up now will just inflame those lingering resentments further. You also don’t know what your mom told your siblings about their loans. It’s possible she forgave the loans, and didn’t realize you never got one of a similar size.

You mentioned that all of you received a decent amount of money from your mom. Our recommendation is to try to be content with your generous inheritance. After 10 years, it may be time to simply let that go.

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(Ilyce Glink is the author of “100 Questions Every First-Time Home Buyer Should Ask” (4th Edition). She is also the CEO of Best Money Moves, a financial wellness technology company. Samuel J. Tamkin is a Chicago-based real estate attorney. Contact Ilyce and Sam through her website, ThinkGlink.com.)

©2024 Ilyce R. Glink and Samuel J. Tamkin. Distributed by Tribune Content Agency, LLC.