Dear Kid Whisperer,

I teach first-grade and have two students who scream, cry, and/or whine extremely loudly when they don’t get what they want or something doesn’t go their way. They just sit at their desks (or sometimes go under their desks) and make noise. I’ve attended Behavioral Leadership training, so I know to delay Learning Opportunities and to use Mindfulness Breaks. I offer them sensory toys and just calmly talk to the students when this happens. Nothing seems to work when they’re in this state. One of my students did this for an entire day. I don’t want to send them to the office because that’s not going to accomplish anything other than letting them know that if they behave like that, they get to leave. This behavior got them out of kindergarten all of last year. I want to do something differently.

Answer: As someone who taught very difficult first-graders for a long time, and who now coaches first-grade teachers to do the same, I am excited to answer your question.

Great work utilizing Delayed Learning Opportunities (DLOs) to teach positive behaviors and using Mindfulness Breaks to give kids the chance to regulate themselves. Also, you are right that sending to the office gives them the avoidance that they’re looking for.

AND…

If you continue to do what you are doing, these behaviors will likely never stop no matter how many Behavioral Leadership procedures and strategies you use. These procedures and strategies are not designed to be able to withstand the systematic reinforcement of negative behaviors.

You are reinforcing these behaviors by talking to the students when they are using the negative behavior of throwing a tantrum, and also by giving them presents when they are using negative behaviors. Also, if you are not using Real-World Workshop (I don't know if you are or not), they are getting functional avoidance of work/school. So, what do kids want and what are you giving them?

Attention: Check.

Control: Check.

Avoidance: Check.

Toys: Check.

The problem here is mostly a subtraction problem: take away the giving of attention and gifts to the most poorly behaved kids in your room. Here’s how I’ve successfully, over and over, gotten rid of the behaviors that you are struggling with. Notice how, once I let these students know that I will be helping them learn positive behaviors like sitting and not being disruptive, I bombard my students who are using positive behaviors with attention, and I ignore the students who are using negative behaviors. Remember, safety first: If kids need to be removed due to dangerous behaviors, that may need to happen, but you will still need to do the DLO later.

Kid #1 and Kid #2 are under their desks.

Kid #1: THIS IS UNBEARABLE!! I PROTEST MY STATION IN LIFE!

Kid #2: I HAVE BEEN WRONGED BY A SYSTEM OF FIRST-GRADE UNFAIRNESS THAT MUST FOREVER CEASE!

Kid Whisperer (whispering to Kid #1 and Kid #2 ): Oh, dear. This is unfortunate. I’ll help you learn about this later.

Kid Whisperer: (now with loud enthusiasm): I noticed Kid #21 is working hard! I noticed Kid #5 is seated and on task! OH! I noticed Kid #9 and Kid #25 are working collaboratively!! I noticed Kid #11 is being pleasant!

(You can notice a kid is being pleasant as long as he is not currently punching someone in the face.)

Who is getting the attention and control now?

Note that kids can always have access to sensory toys if you would like to have them available, but we just don’t want to provide them as gifts immediately after a negative behavior.

Also note that the systematic, habitual noticing of positive behaviors will not only reinforce those positive behaviors, but it will also make you more positive since the more we focus on the positive, the more positive we become!

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