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When Canvassers Come Knocking

Annie Lane on

Dear Annie: I've been a big fan of your column for years, but I felt that some useful context was missing from a recent response about how to deal with people knocking on doors.

Having worked extensively in political outreach, I understand how frustrating unsolicited visits can be. However, canvassing for elections or other causes is hard work, and the people doing it usually have good intentions. Most are there for a brief, respectful conversation -- not to argue or intrude. If someone does behave inappropriately, I recommend immediately asking for the name of their organization, which is often listed on the literature they provide or leave behind.

It's also important to note that "no soliciting" signs don't typically apply to political or religious canvassers, as they aren't selling anything. In some states, they're even allowed to request donations and still visit areas with "no soliciting" signs. For those who prefer not to be approached, signs like "no politics/religion" or "do not knock" are more effective, as these apply universally.

I say this both for homeowners and for the passionate individuals who spend hours canvassing to connect with their communities. Even when we disagree with their causes, there's something admirable about people dedicating their time and energy to their beliefs. It may be a mild annoyance to have your door knocked on, but it's often a reflection of someone's commitment to their values. If you'd rather not engage, the best approach is to open the door, politely ask them not to return, and note their organization's name in case follow-up is needed.

Thank you for your thoughtful column and for encouraging conversations about community and boundaries. -- An Activist, Not a Solicitor

Dear Activist: Thank you for your kind words and thoughtful letter. I always believe it's important to consider both sides of an argument, and you've provided a compelling perspective on the value of someone with a passionate conviction.

Dear Annie: I always feel guilty during the holidays. Between my family and my husband's, we end up attending at least two Thanksgivings and three Christmas celebrations every year. While I love our families, I have a pretty weak social battery, and going to so many events in such a short period of time always leaves me feeling completely drained and, honestly, a little sad.

My husband, on the other hand, thrives in social situations. He loves attending every gathering from the moment it starts and is usually the last person to want to leave. This difference in our personalities creates tension. I often feel selfish when I ask to leave early because I'm emotionally and physically exhausted, and he seems disappointed every time we have to cut his fun short.

Unfortunately, some of these events are far away, so driving separately and leaving at different times isn't an option.

 

How can I preserve my sanity during the holiday season while still allowing my husband to enjoy himself to the fullest? I want to find a balance that works for both of us. -- Low Social Battery

Dear Low Social Battery: It certainly sounds like you're an introvert, while your husband is more of an extrovert. Recognizing this difference is the first step toward finding the best way to navigate the holiday season together.

When attending Thanksgiving and Christmas parties, try incorporating mini breaks for yourself. Step away to a quiet space for a few moments and recharge. This could mean taking a quick walk, sitting in a quieter room or even excusing yourself to help with a task that allows for some alone time.

It might also help to set realistic expectations with your husband ahead of time. Have an honest conversation about how the parties make you sad, and work together to create a plan that accommodates both of your needs. For example, agree on a timeframe for when you'll leave, or consider alternating between staying the whole time at one gathering and leaving earlier at another.

If driving separately isn't an option, maybe you can plan for him to stay engaged until the very end while you take a back seat socially -- reading, resting or doing something relaxing in another room until he's ready to go.

Ultimately, compromise is key. With a little planning and communication, you can both enjoy the holidays without either of you feeling overwhelmed or disappointed.

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"How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner?" is out now! Annie Lane's second anthology -- featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation -- is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.


 

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