Supporting Widows and Building Connections
Dear Readers: So many of you wrote about the widow columns that I printed recently, and made some interesting points, so I wanted to share a few of these letters with everyone.
Dear Annie: Oh, wow! I just saw this in our paper and pointed it out to my wife. She didn't believe it at first, and I was just as surprised. Widows being shunned by their friends out of fear they will lose their husbands to them! What troubles me most is that we're already facing an "epidemic of loneliness" in this country, and that kind of attitude -- rooted in fear or mistrust -- only makes things worse, especially as we age.
It also raises some important questions for those who are excluding and cutting off old friendships:
No. 1: Have those widows ever shown an interest in your husband?
No. 2: Is your husband's loyalty and faithfulness in question?
No. 3: After a divorce, why is the ex-husband being invited? Could there be unresolved feelings there?
There's an old saying: "When you point a finger, three more point back at you." It's a sad situation all around. -- Three More Point Back at You
Dear Three More: Thank you for your kind letter and insights.
Dear Annie: I got divorced at 42 many years ago, but not one of my friends abandoned me. Early on, I made it clear to everyone that I would never pursue anyone's husband; I valued my friendships far too much for that. I was invited to every lunch and party, and I hosted many gatherings myself.
We had such a wonderful time together! I like to think it wasn't because I was considered "too homely" to be a threat; I was fun, lively and attractive. My dating life was quite active, spanning across three nearby counties! However, I believe the real reason my friendships remained intact was cultural. Many of us were European-born or of European descent, and our shared values and cultural background made a difference. -- Friendships First
Dear Friendships First: I love the fact that you addressed the issue head-on with your friends.
Dear Annie: In my community, we have an organization called Compass Club, which has been a vital resource for women over the years. Originally established as a newcomers club, we evolved our mission during my tenure as president to focus on supporting women in transition -- whether they are widowed, divorced, retired or new to the area. Over my 34 years of membership, the club has been a godsend for dozens of women, offering friendship, support and connection. I encourage these women to explore whether similar organizations exist in their area; they can be a wonderful way to build community and navigate life's changes. -- The Compass Club
Dear Compass: Thank you for your wonderful suggestion. I hope it helps people connect with each other.
Dear Annie: The Modern Widows Club was created by Carolyn Moor to help people find healing resources after loss. It started as a simple initiative in a widowed woman's living room and has grown into a network that offers innovative resources and community connections. -- Another Tip
Dear Another Tip: That sounds fantastic.
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"How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner?" is out now! Annie Lane's second anthology -- featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation -- is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.
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