“Should sex with one person mean you stop going on dates with other people?”

This is a question someone asked me recently. In my line of work as a dating coach, things come up in all areas of the early dating process—how to use the apps efficiently, what to do/say on a first date, when/what to text, how to build connection and chemistry, and, of course, how to navigate the more physically intimate topics too.

First, I’ll share my response, and then we can delve into it a bit further. Here’s what I said:

“I can’t answer that question. There is no moratorium on going out on other dates if you have sex with one person. It’s really up to you. Now, if you want to stop going on dates with other people, that’s your choice. But it does not mean the other person is making that choice. And if you want to bring up exclusivity/a relationship with the person you’ve chosen to have sex with, that’s also a choice. Basically, do what feels right for you.”

In other words, choosing to be intimate with someone—in this case sexually—does not preclude you from dating other people if you have not defined the terms of the relationship, particularly exclusivity.

But, I would ask yourself a few questions:

- Would I feel guilty if I went on other dates? Why?

- Would I feel more comfortable only sleeping with one person?

- How would I feel if I found out the person I’m sleeping with is dating or sleeping with other people?

- Am I looking for something casual, or do I want something more serious with this person?

- Do I feel comfortable talking about physical intimacy with this person?

- Do I feel comfortable initiating a conversation about exclusivity or defining the relationship with this person?

- If I stop seeing other people, am I doing so because I genuinely want to, or because I think it will influence their feelings toward me?

Truly take a moment to think through these questions because the last thing you want is to harbor resentment, either in yourself for having sex before you were in a relationship, or in the other person for continuing to date others.

Most important here is the emphasis on self-reflection and personal boundaries before imposing expectations on yourself or another person. It’s so important in these early stages of dating (though, from the question, I don’t know how long these people have known each other), where assumptions can often lead to disappointment.

It’s also worth considering that everyone brings their own experiences, values, and expectations into dating and intimacy. For some people, sex is a deeply emotional act tied to commitment, while for others, it’s a natural, and not especially meaningful, part of exploring compatibility with someone new. Neither is right or wrong—it’s just a matter of seeing what feels authentic to you.

Ultimately, sexual intimacy doesn’t inherently change the status of a relationship unless it’s explicitly discussed. Having sex with someone may deepen the relationship in some ways, since hormones are now involved, but in others, unless stated, nothing will change, other than the addition of these activities to your repertoire.

I know the topic of sex can often feel like an unspoken turning point in a relationship, but remember that without clear communication, it’s just that—unspoken.

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