ArcaMax

Eyes up, children. It's 2025, and you can say goodbye to Takis and Mountain Dew Code Red by the pool. Government is getting more efficient, and fast. That means everyone will have to work harder, including those of you with a still-soft prefrontal cortex.

It's time you learned a few things about life. We're dumping boring meetings held in ...Read more

A man phones home from his office and says to his wife, "I have the chance to go fishing for a week. It's the opportunity of a lifetime. I have to leave right away. Please pack my clothes, my fishing equipment, and especially my blue silk pajamas. I'll be home in an hour to pick them up."

The man rushes home to grab everything. He hugs his ...Read more

Jack decided to go skiing with his buddy, Bob. They loaded up Jack's station-wagon and headed north. After driving for a few hours, they got caught in a terrible blizzard. They pulled into a nearby farmhouse and asked the attractive lady of the house if they could spend the night.

"I'm recently widowed," she explained, "and I'm afraid the ...Read more

The basketball coach stormed into the university president's office and demanded a raise right then and there.

"Please," protested the college President, "you already make more than the entire History department."

"Yeah, maybe so, but you don't know what I have to put up with," the coach blustered. "Look."

He went out into the hall and ...Read more

-- A good thing to exercise when you're putting on weight is restraint.

-- Running out of sausage is a busy pizza maker's wurst nightmare.

-- He arrived late at the party to find he was beaten to the punch.

"According to "The New York Post", runaway bride Jennifer Wilbanks was supposed to get married today, it never hap- pened. Ironically she showed up at the church and every- body else left town." --Jay Leno

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"President Bush is on his vacation Crawford, Texas. He says he'll leave only when Crawford is capable of self rule." --Dave ...Read more

Bambi, a blonde in her fourth year as a UCLA freshman, sat in her USA government class. The professor asked Bambi if she knew what Roe vs. Wade was about.

Bambi pondered the question then finally said, "That was the decision George Washington had to make before he crossed the Delaware"

While working as a mall Santa, I had many children ask for electric trains. "If you get a train," I would tell each one, "you know your dad is going to want to play with it too. Is that okay?"

The usual answer was a quick yes, but after I asked one boy this question, he became very quiet. Trying to move the conversation along, I asked what else...Read more

What is the best advice to give to worm?
Sleep late!

What's the difference between a worm and an apple?
Have you ever tried worm pie?

What do you get if you cross a glow worm with some beer?
Light ale!

Why do worms taste like chewing gum?
Because they're wrigleys!

What makes a glow worm glow?
A light meal!

What...Read more

Why do ducks have webbed feet? To stamp out forest fires!

Why did the pig go to the casino?
To play the slop machine!

What is a pigs favorite ballet?
Swine Lake!

What do you get if you cross a hen with a dog?
Pooched eggs!

How do you stop a rooser crowing on Sunday?
Eat him on Saturday!

Why did the foal cough?
...Read more

A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer, "This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you."

The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, "Which do you want, son?" The boy takes the quarters and leaves.

"What did I tell you?" ...Read more

Total the number of these that you remember:

1. Blackjack chewing gum
2. Wax Coke-shaped bottles with colored sugar water
3. Candy cigarettes
4. Soda pop machines that dispensed bottles
5. Coffee shops with tableside jukeboxes
6. Home milk delivery in glass bottles with cardboard stoppers
...Read more

- When your friend tells you all about his Cressida V6 and you reply "Yeah, I had V5, and it was full of bugs!"

- When driving you see a license plate with the letters DSR, and you feel compelled to touch your bumper to the other car to see if you can raise CD.

- When you are counting objects "0,1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,A,B,C,D...".

- When you lay ...Read more

A number twelve walks into a bar and asks the barman for a pint of beer.

"Sorry I can't serve you," states the barman.

"Why not?!" asks the number twelve with anger showing in its voice.

"You're under 18," replies the barman.

Two old friends met one day after many years. One attended college, and now was very successful. The other had not attended college and never had much ambition.

The successful one said, "How has everything been going with you?"

"Well, one day I opened the Bible at random, and dropped my finger on a word and it was oil. So, I invested in ...Read more

"Did you all see the guy at Yankee Stadium that jumped from the upper deck into the net that catches the foul balls? He jumped like 50 feet. How can anyone get that drunk off $8 beers!" -- Dave Letterman

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"Yesterday Jennifer Wilbanks, the runaway bride had to cut the lawn of a city building as part of her community service. However, ...Read more