ArcaMax

Q: I've been a bit concerned recently about my kids' tendency toward self-centeredness. This Christmas season I'd like to encourage them to be more thoughtful and aware of the needs of others. Do you have any suggestions?

Jim: First off, I'd say you're halfway there, just by wanting to promote a lifestyle of selflessness with your children and looking for strategic ways to do it. It's been said that "more is caught than taught," so if you're consistently modeling these actions and attitudes in your home, you're providing them with a great head start.

That said, it's important to actively involve your children in the process. The Christmas season provides a wide range of opportunities. Here are just a few ideas to consider:

-- Shovel an elderly neighbor's driveway.

-- Bake and deliver cookies to those working on Christmas Day (e.g. firefighters and police).

-- Serve meals at a local shelter.

-- Visit a nursing home to carol or read Christmas stories with residents.

-- Provide gifts to the underprivileged through projects like Operation Christmas Child.

-- Drop off baked goods to those who are homebound or hurting.

-- Invite those who don't have family to join your holiday table.

I'm sure you can add some of your own creative ideas as well. But the real key is to help your kids grasp the "why" of all this. A good way is to ask questions designed to help them reflect on how recipients of your kindness may be feeling and what difference your actions might make. For example, "How would you feel if you were all alone or had to work on Christmas Day?" That way, you'll help your children develop empathy and the capacity to recognize, understand, and identify with the feelings of others -- invaluable character traits for all of us to develop, no matter our age.

Q: I'm rather dreading having my in-laws over to our house for Christmas; let's just say my relationship with them isn't the best. Do you have any pointers for at least trying to keep the tension to a minimum?

Dr. Greg Smalley, Vice President, Marriage & Family Formation: It's not uncommon to experience difficulties relating to our in-laws. Even those with decent relationships have probably at least heard stories about a meddling mother-in-law or an obnoxious member of the extended family. No matter how hard we try, we just can't seem to make a connection with these people.

The first thing that comes to mind is a verse written by the Apostle Paul: "If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone" (Romans 12:18). In essence, the only attitude you can control is your own.

I'm also reminded of the book "Loving Your Relatives Even When You Don't See Eye to Eye." The authors recommend embracing a few simple rules of civility; for example:

-- Always remember to smile (and not through gritted teeth). People generally respond better to someone who's smiling.

-- Make sure you're considerate and practice restraint. Never raise your voice.

-- When you're wrong, have the courage to admit it. Never ridicule or demean the other person.

-- Try to see things from their perspective.

-- Be accepting and understanding of your in-laws' shortcomings -- while recognizing that you have your own hang-ups and faults as well.

These are good rules to keep in mind when dealing with difficult people in any situation, not just your in-laws. But they're especially important in a situation like Christmas when you might be "stuck" with people you'd perhaps rather avoid.

Bottom line: Remember to be civil no matter how frustrating things might get. It could start to thaw the ice between you and your in-laws.

========

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at jimdalyblog.focusonthefamily.com or at Facebook.com/JimDalyFocus.

Copyright 2024 Focus On The Family. (This feature may not by reproduced or distributed electronically, in print or otherwise without written permission of Focus on the Family.)

COPYRIGHT 2024 Andrews McMeel Syndication. This feature may not be reproduced or distributed electronically, in print or otherwise without the written permission of Andrews McMeel Syndication.