Everyday Cheapskate: When Long-Run Emotional Spending Is Not Soothing

Mary Hunt on Dec 19, 2024

Years ago, I discovered money was a great antidepressant. I spent to change my mood, to reward myself and to make myself feel better after a stressful week. I spent money when I felt sad and when I felt glad. I spent to get approval, to make my kids more popular, to impress people I didn't even know. The list goes on and on.

Who hasn't indulged in retail therapy? Case in point: the 48 pairs of shoes in your closet, of which only three pairs are comfortable enough to actually wear. Emotional spending is nearly always a mistake. The adrenaline rush lasts about as long as it takes to walk to the car. The feelings of guilt and remorse set in soon, sending your emotions on yet another wild ride.

Making money decisions based on how you're feeling at any given moment is a financially dangerous way to live. It took me a long time to understand how to manage money in ways that didn't change with the wind. Once I got this through my head, I stopped assigning money the job of making me happy.

It's time to start dealing with your emotions in a reasonable way that will not send you hurtling into the darkness of debilitating debt.

NOTICE THE FEELINGS

It takes a little practice, but you can learn to recognize the feelings that propel you to spend. Anger and disappointment are big ones. How about envy or sadness? Recognize that using money to anesthetize these feelings may work for a while, but it wears off quickly. In the long run it's better to deal with emotions in an appropriate way than to slap them down with a temporary fix.

DON'T GO THERE

If emotional spending is your nemesis, stop setting yourself up to fail. To make it difficult to give in to temptation, stop carrying credit cards. Avoid situations that entice you to overspend. I'm no saint, but I rarely visit malls or department stores. Those are the places where I am most likely to slip and fall financially, so I choose to stay away on purpose. I've also deleted my link to eBay, and I toss unopened mail-order catalogs into a recycling bin. Figure out the specific steps you need to take to rein in your spending impulses.

FIND YOUR DIVERSION

For many people, spending on anything from french fries to Fendi just feels good -- so good we want to repeat it over and over again. But there are plenty of other mood boosters that don't involve spending money. Now, while you can think clearly, come up with several feel-good actions you can rely on when your emotions are in high gear: maybe taking a quick walk or checking in with a friend. Carry a juicy novel with you, a book of crossword or Sudoku puzzles, or a knitting project.

GET OUT OF DEBT

Credit card debt steals your options. The more debt you acquire, the fewer options you have, until finally you're out of options altogether. Make a decision today that you're going to reverse this process by refusing to add any more purchases to your current card balances, then begin systematically paying down the debt. One by one, your options will return.

ENJOY!

Treat yourself to an emotional purchase now and then by creating a special account. Set aside money specifically to fund something you really want -- like that beautiful outfit you've been eyeing or just a few wild expenditures. No matter how tight your financial situation is, it's better to allot an amount for a treat than to risk making a costly mistake.

STAY AWARE

Our lives will always be riddled by bad days -- fights, disappointments, anxious moments and bursts of anger. We should also expect times of joy, pride and satisfaction. When the temptation to rack up debt in response to emotional situations seems overwhelming, stop. Analyze, divert and chill. Then choose to do the exact opposite of what your feelings dictate. In no time, the urge to splurge will pass -- or it will change to some other feeling. Either way, with very little effort, you'll be able to react to the situation in a financially appropriate way.

Like any learned behavior, overcoming emotional spending takes time and practice. With each success you will improve your financial confidence -- and your bottom line too.

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Mary invites you to visit her at EverydayCheapskate.com, where this column is archived complete with links and resources for all recommended products and services. Mary invites questions and comments at https://www.everydaycheapskate.com/contact/, "Ask Mary." This column will answer questions of general interest, but letters cannot be answered individually. Mary Hunt is the founder of EverydayCheapskate.com, a frugal living blog, and the author of the book "Debt-Proof Living."