ArcaMax

When was the last time you took a trip? A genuine, out-of-neighborhood venture, not a trip to the local amusement park sort of thing. Well, dear heart, I'm here to encourage you to start planning a major motion. And the first step is going to a travel agency to look through its travel brochures. The conversation between the two of you will lead to some suggestions, maybe out of state, that will tickle your fancy! Maybe a museum sparks your interest, or an overnight stay at a nearby national park, or (you fill in the destination). But the important thing here is that you feel energized and curious to see more than the usual scenery. If you feel like hashing out this idea, write to me, and we'll huddle. Bon voyage!

--Mediation -- in divorce or any major hassle -- is the better way to arrive at mutual satisfaction. A saner, less expensive, more considerate resolution of tender feelings (ahem) is the wisest route in a sizable dispute. The American Arbitration Association has representatives around the country. Enough said.

--Stop canceling dates with gal friends when a man calls to see you. Time with gal friends is equal time, you know, and can be even more productive and fun (especially when the fellow turns out to be a creep or a bore). My point? DO NOT DEVALUE YOUR OWN GENDER!

--Readers, the wholeness I keep nagging you about is an inner merger of opposite forces of your psyche. Tune me out if this is too deep for summer, but for those curious to know more, those forces are what Jung named the animus and anima, the drives within that give us the individuality and ability to join other people in their journey. And isn't that one of life's goodnesses?

--You may not have thought of it in these terms, but be careful to choose people who like themselves (augmenters), because they will lift you up and see things (including yourself) in a positive, kinder light. (If you've ever been with the opposite kind, someone who downgrades himself, you and life in general, you know how downbeat it is to be in his company.) When you have a choice, stay with an augmenter!

--The smart single will avoid (like the plague) the triangle drama. When a married someone makes it clear they're interested in you, it's time to make it equally clear you're not. And never will be. Period, end of situation. Get my drift? Stop a mini-drama before the first act.

--Casual sex is an oxymoron. The gymnastics involved between uncommitted partners is not at all what lovemaking is meant to be. And, worse, one of them usually harbors unspoken dreams of turning casual into meaningful. (Sigh.) So pain is the outcome. Better to save sexual sharing for emotional sharing, no?

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Have a question for Susan? You can reach her directly at susan@single-file.com. We've uncovered another treasure trove of "Single File" paperbacks - in perfect condition, signed by Susan, ready to enjoy. Send $15 and your address: Susan Deitz, C/O Creators Syndicate, 737 3rd Street, Hermosa Beach, CA 90254.