Messy Roommate Causes Tension In Shared Space
DEAR HARRIETTE: I've rented a bed space in Manila, Philippines, while pursuing my master's degree, and I share the space with a roommate. While I appreciate having someone to share the rent, her habit of leaving a mess in our shared bedroom area is becoming unbearable. I am the type of person who always wants to maintain a clean and tidy space -- I admit I have some obsessive-compulsive behaviors. I've tried dropping hints, and I've even directly asked her to make more of an effort, but nothing seems to change. It's frustrating because I don't want to constantly be the one cleaning up after her. I also don't want to create hostility in our home or cause unnecessary tension between us. I understand that we have different living habits, but I need to find a way to balance our shared responsibilities. -- Roommate Woes
DEAR ROOMMATE WOES: It is absolutely fair for you to sit down with your roommate and remind her that the two of you are sharing this space and that you need her to do her part to keep it tidy. Point out exactly what disturbs you, such as clothing on the floor, dishes unwashed, bed unmade -- whatever your grievances are. Ask her to tend to these things in the moment so that the room stays organized. Know that, ultimately, you will likely have to move out. You can't pressure or guilt someone into becoming neat. Since you are in school and are focused on improving your life, do your best to create the healthiest, most productive environment for you to be successful. Look for another room to share. If possible, meet the roommate and ask a few questions before you move in.
DEAR HARRIETTE: I recently started working out due to health and weight issues. I was diagnosed with Type 2 diabetes, and my doctor advised me to establish a routine alongside dietary changes. I joined a fitness group with friends, but I feel constantly judged because I can't keep up with their pace. Although I know they mean well, their comments about my fitness level are starting to discourage me rather than motivate me. I don't want to give up, but I also don't want to feel this way every time I exercise with them. I feel the pressure to match their standards, which only makes it harder to stay motivated. -- Fitness Frenzy
DEAR FITNESS FRENZY: First, I want to commend you for taking action for your health and your life. It is not easy to lose weight, start an exercise regimen or keep it up. It takes discipline and time, and it helps a lot when you have encouragement. Do you think you can find another group to join that might be more positive? This group does not sound like the best fit for you if they are not being supportive.
I will add that it's possible that you are being too judgmental of yourself. At the beginning of the process of changing your life, it can seem insurmountable. Everybody around you may seem to be better than you are. If that's happening to you, don't give up. Stop comparing yourself to others. Focus on yourself and your incremental improvements. Cheer for yourself. Do try to find another group that better matches your fitness level.
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(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)
Copyright 2024, Harriette Cole
COPYRIGHT 2024 Andrews McMeel Syndication. This feature may not be reproduced or distributed electronically, in print or otherwise without the written permission of Andrews McMeel Syndication.
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