ArcaMax

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am a widow with many acquaintances and activities. I am physically and verbally affectionate with family members and close friends, and am generous with hugs and "I love yous."

A gentleman friend and I have become close, and feel affection for each other. But since we are both averse to a serious relationship, the words "I love you" are not warranted and would be off-putting.

Can you suggest another term to express my feelings? "I like you" seems inadequate and awkward.

GENTLE READER: "I love spending time with you"?

Just be sure, Miss Manners suggests, not to sneeze or cough between the words "love" and "spending." Apparently that would be off-putting.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I take the bus to and from work. As I stepped off the bus recently, the bus driver (whom I see once or twice a week) handed me a note, in which he expressed his admiration for me and a wish to get to know me better.

Although he seems like a nice young man, I'm happily married and really have no interest in getting to know him. What is the proper way to respond? In another note, in person or just by politely ignoring the whole thing?

GENTLE READER: Could you take another bus?

Perhaps this is too drastic, but a note feels too intimate, saying something in-person a bit confrontational and ignoring it only temporary -- eventually he will follow up. It might be fun, however, to ask your husband to join you one morning. The young man's reaction, Miss Manners guesses, will be a good indication of what exactly he was admiring.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I moved in with my boyfriend and discovered he has, in my opinion, a rather unusual habit. Not only does he say "bless you" in response to sneezes, but he does so in response to burps and flatulence as well!

When I asked him about it, he said he was taught it was polite. (He is from the South, while I am not.)

Is this true? Saying "bless you" in response to flatulence seems rather rude to me, though I can't put my finger on why. I would love to know if this is a normal custom that I'm just unaware of, or if it is as strange as it feels.

GENTLE READER: There is no real logic as to why flatulence and burping are rude and sneezing is not, presuming they are all unintentional. Still, saying "bless you" after anything other than a sneeze seems like admonishment -- as though a sneeze is what the person meant to do, and it just came out wrong.

Miss Manners seems to have put her finger on it. Although she would have been just as happy not to have done.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband thinks it is acceptable to go out in public with a toothpick in his mouth. This includes stores, restaurants and other people's homes.

When I tell him it is low-class and disrespectful, he responds that I am wrong. What should one do?

GENTLE READER: Feed him only soft foods.

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(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

Copyright 2026 Judith Martin

COPYRIGHT 2026 JUDITH MARTIN