ArcaMax

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Having been raised in a strongly evangelical home, and having painfully walked away from those beliefs, religion is an emotionally distressing subject for me, one that I am only able to discuss with those very close to me.

A few months ago, I was hospitalized for a couple of weeks. For most of that time, I shared the room with a very friendly, talkative woman who had been in the hospital for a long time. While still needing medical care, she was clearly on the mend; she was bored, a little lonely from her long stay, and pleased to have a new roommate to talk to.

It immediately became obvious she was a committed evangelical Christian and all she wanted to talk about was religion. I started by making short, noncommittal responses and trying to change the subject, but my lack of enthusiastic response made her decide I needed to be "saved." For the remainder of our time sharing the room, I was bombarded by "give your heart to Jesus" appeals, which I found upsetting.

Being confrontation-averse, and already on the border of emotional overload, I resorted to pretending to be sleeping to avoid conversation. I was exhausted and sleeping more than usual, but not 23 hours a day!

Eventually she was discharged and the problem went away, but I'm wondering if there was a way I could have shut this down short of sitting up and yelling, "Would you shut up about religion?" (Which, believe me, was tempting.)

I know how to politely stop this type of thing at work, and I can be more blunt with family and friends, telling them we need to drop the subject or stop spending time together. However, I was at a loss in this situation. I could not simply leave.

GENTLE READER: Although she resists making every etiquette problem into a medical question, Miss Manners is willing to make exceptions in a hospital setting -- where many things you are used to doing for yourself will, for the time being, require assistance.

If a friend cannot speak with your roommate, ask a nurse or doctor to tell her that you are easily fatigued -- and that, because of your own history, the subject of religion is particularly taxing for you.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When is it acceptable to specify the ending time of an event?

Generally, if I am inviting guests for dinner, I ask them to please arrive at a certain time, with no ending time given. But for a child's birthday party, one would invite guests from, say, 2 p.m. to 4 p.m., so parents know when to pick up their children.

If I am hosting a cocktail party, is it acceptable to invite guests from, say, 4 p.m. to 6 p.m., so that it is clear that this is not a dinner party? How about a reception where the venue is only rented for a certain number of hours? What is the rule?

GENTLE READER: Specifying a time for the party on the invitation is fine -- so long as you do not intend to enforce it.

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(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

Copyright 2025 Judith Martin

COPYRIGHT 2025 JUDITH MARTIN