Friend No Longer Wants To Host
DEAR MISS MANNERS: My partner and I went on a short vacation to a city where an old friend of mine lives. I called her months ago, asking to stay with her and her partner for one night, but she said she didn't have room.
I have known this woman for 45 years and have stayed with her at least 20 times in the past. Still, not a problem -- we booked a lovely place to stay and had a great time.
Originally, she asked us to come and spend the day at their place, then go out on their boat and stay for dinner. Then, last minute, she said that wouldn't work, either.
So I asked if they wanted to come into town (an 11-mile drive for them). She said yes. They came to the hotel, where we all had a beverage (that we provided) out by the pool, and then took a five-minute walk to a restaurant where I had made a reservation.
At dinner, my friend's partner (whom I had never met, as my friend is a recent widow) continued to show us his super-expensive watch and fancy gold chain. Then the bill came, and they both just sat there. So my partner took and paid the bill, which was over $300.
In hindsight, I felt I should have asked them to at least handle the tip. Your thoughts?
GENTLE READER: That for whatever reason, your friend no longer wants to host. And that reason may well have been to avoid the expense of it all.
With your persistence, however, she found a clever way to see you and have you pay. It was not gracious, but asking her and her partner to pay the tip would have been rude (flashy gold accessories notwithstanding).
Miss Manners suggests that next time you are in town, you casually mention it to her, but do not ask to make plans.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: We have fairly nice neighbors on either side of our fence. Each house has outdoor seating approximately 20 meters away from our own outdoor seating area. We live near a forest and get to hear lovely birdsong, owls at night, etc.
One neighbor likes to spend most of the day outdoors and has made comments about how she longs for "a quiet life." In light of this, is it OK to speak at a normal volume when I'm in my garden? Or should I be hushing my tone a little?
When I'm drinking coffee outdoors with my husband and children, surely it is not bad etiquette to have a normal conversation at an ordinary volume. I don't want to upset my neighbor, but nor do I want to have to whisper in my own garden.
GENTLE READER: You and your family may, Miss Manners assures you, speak at normal volume on your own property -- with the caveat, perhaps, that if any of you gets excited and the sound level goes high, you keep it in check.
Except perhaps to say loudly, "Shhh, let's be respectful of the neighbors!" just so you get points for effort.
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(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)
Copyright 2024 Judith Martin
COPYRIGHT 2024 JUDITH MARTIN
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