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Disabled Veteran Feeling Failed and Forgotten

Annie Lane on

Dear Annie: I'm a 100% disabled veteran living in Alaska, and I feel completely defeated. For the last two years, I've tried to hold state agencies accountable for serious mishandling of my case -- including falsified documents, broken agreements and using my disability against me. Despite filing formal complaints and following every process, nothing has changed. Investigators downplay everything, even questioning my mental health treatment inappropriately.

I've also tried legal aid, the Equal Opportunity Employment Commission and lawyer referral services -- all dead ends. On top of that, my chronic illness is flaring, my child is being affected and I feel emotionally abandoned by everyone I've asked for help.

How do I keep going when it feels like every system has failed me and no one cares? -- Feeling Forgotten in Alaska

Dear Feeling Forgotten: First, let me say this clearly: You are not worthless. You've been through an overwhelming series of injustices, and it's no wonder you feel exhausted, heartbroken and alone. You've done everything right -- filed complaints, followed procedures, asked for help -- and the system has failed you again and again. That's not a reflection of your worth. It's a reflection of broken systems.

As a 100% disabled veteran, you deserve support. Please consider reaching out to national organizations such as Disabled American Veterans or Wounded Warrior Project; they may be able to advocate for you in ways local agencies have not. Also, the National Disability Rights Network may help with legal advocacy and representation.

I hear your pain. And I want you to know: You are not alone. If things feel too heavy, please call the Veterans Crisis Line at 988 (then press 1). They will listen without judgment.

You've shown strength just by writing this. Please don't give up. You matter.

Dear Annie: I have a good friend -- let's call her "Lisa" -- who I really enjoy spending time with. She's funny and kind, and we've shared a lot over the years. But there's one recurring issue that's starting to drive me a little nuts: She is always late for dinner plans.

Every single time we meet, she is late. She'll usually text something vague such as "Running behind!" or "Be there soon!" but never offers a real explanation and rarely apologizes.

I've tried hinting that it bothers me, even joking about it, but she laughs it off or says, "You know how I am!" The truth is, I feel disrespected. I've rearranged my schedule, sat awkwardly at restaurants by myself and more than once, I've finished my drink before she even walks in. It's starting to feel like my time doesn't matter.

 

I care about our friendship, but I don't want to keep feeling like the only one trying to show up on time.

What can I say to my chronically late friend without hurting the relationship? --Tired of the Waiting Game

Dear Waiting Game: Your friend Lisa may be charming, but her chronic lateness isn't. It's rude and inconsiderate, and it sends the message that her time matters more than yours.

People who are always late often hide behind "That's just how I am!" as if it's a personality quirk instead of a habit that affects others. It's time to stop laughing it off.

Have an honest, calm conversation. Let her know you value her friendship, but you're tired of feeling like an afterthought. And yes -- it's perfectly fair to set a boundary. For example: "If you're more than 15 minutes late, I'll go ahead and order -- or even leave." Then stick to it.

You teach people how to treat you. It's time Lisa got the message.

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Annie Lane's second anthology -- "How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner?" featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation -- is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.


 

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