ArcaMax

Dear Annie: I often read letters from parents and grandparents expressing sadness about not being able to spend holidays with their children or grandchildren, and I'd like to offer a suggestion based on my own experience.

Growing up, my parents divorced when I was young, and holidays were often split between households. However, my mother always made sure I never felt like I was missing out on a holiday with her. We simply celebrated on a different day, and she made it just as special, as if it were the actual holiday. For example, even if Thanksgiving was on a Thursday, we would celebrate on the following Saturday, and it still felt just like Thanksgiving.

This approach has carried over into my own family now that my children are adults and have significant others. We've embraced celebrating major holidays on the weekends before or after the official date. We go all out with the festivities, and no one feels like they're missing out on anything.

Being flexible with holiday plans can be a wonderful solution that allows everyone to enjoy the celebration without hurt feelings or the stress of choosing between families. At the end of the day, it's just a day on the calendar, but it's the togetherness that really matters. Warm regards. -- Flexible Like Gumby

Dear Flexible: With the holidays just around the corner, I thought your letter was a wonderful one to share at this time. You highlight so many important points that can lead to a more peaceful and joyful life.

First and foremost is the importance of flexibility -- not just during the holidays, but in all aspects of life. Being flexible, whether with family or in the workplace, fosters better teamwork, encourages us to step outside our comfort zones and ultimately leads to greater happiness. Flexibility also allows us to take on a leadership role as we navigate different situations with grace and understanding.

Most importantly, you've captured the true essence of the holidays; it's not about the exact day you celebrate, but the quality time you spend together. That's what really matters.

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"How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner?" is out now! Annie Lane's second anthology -- featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation -- is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.