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Dear Eric: My brother just released a book and as I was reading his acknowledgments in the online sample, I was blown away that he disclosed a very personal incident that happened when we were children.

I have been going to therapy sessions for years discussing things that happened to me as a child. It was very shocking to read this and caused a couple nights of no sleep.

When I discussed it with him, I lost my temper and said a few things and raised my voice. He finally said sorry on a text a couple days later, but it really wasn’t heartfelt.

In the acknowledgments, he even gave a shout-out to his dogs. The only thing he said about me was “my older brother” when he described the incident in question.

Now that a couple of weeks have past and I feel better about it now, was I wrong for wanting a heads-up, a warning from him before it was released? A chance to say my opinion about not really wanting that part released?

– Mad Brother

Dear Brother: You’re not wrong at all. He owed you a heads-up at the very least, but he should have asked your permission before sharing something personal, even if it wasn’t something sensitive. There are so many points in a publishing journey during which a writer can send a draft to other people. He failed in his duty as a writer and as a sibling, and by not offering a meaningful apology, he’s made it worse.

We have the right to tell our own stories in our own time. Had he written a memoir, there might have been a lot of overlap between what story is his to tell and what’s yours. He’d still be responsible for talking things through with you beforehand.

But an acknowledgments section is meant to thank and honor those who supported a writer along their path to publication. This did not achieve that aim.

You write that you’re feeling better – I’m glad about that. You may decide that what’s healthiest is to leave the past in the past. That’s fine. But if you feel compelled to address it with your brother again, either to be sure that you’ve been heard or to see what remedies he can offer in changing the electronic copies or future editions, don’t hesitate to do so.

Dear Eric: I'm hoping you can give me your thoughts on the situation between me and my estranged brother in another state.

I'm his older sister by 11 years. We're of different political parties and although I am not vocal about politics, he has decided our younger sister and I represent everything he hates about the other party.

His communications have been full of anger and obscenities, and saying he wishes I would "just die."

I've blocked his messages, but I sent an email wishing him happy birthday – just that, nothing more. He came back raging with obscenities and the usual wish for my death.

It's amazing how he's changed in the last few years. He has had several surgeries, and I think maybe his brain has been affected. I don't know if his wife shares his politics and encourages his anger. We weren't in contact much even before the present situation. Do you think it's possible to defuse his anger so there can be some kind of contact? If so, how to proceed?

– Different Sides

Dear Sides: In general, change is possible for all of us. But it seems unlikely that you’re in the best position to affect that change in him. Moreover, this isn’t your responsibility, particularly after a history of such vicious attacks.

In this case, it may be helpful to think about what he’s actually angry about and what could possibly be done to assuage said anger. If you’d committed an offense against him, for instance, you could apologize and seek to make amends. And, in time, his anger might fade. But, from your telling, it doesn’t seem that you’ve done anything. So, the burden isn’t on you.

This is not the behavior of someone who is looking for a way to connect, nor is it the behavior of someone who is looking to convince you. His response makes conversation all but impossible. That’s not on you. And it isn’t about what you believe or what he believes. People disagree about all kinds of things and still find ways of being in a relationship with each other. He’s chosen violent language as his primary, and seemingly only, form of contact. You might consider reaching out to his wife to express your concern or to see if there’s something you can do. But proceed with caution; the contact that you want may not be the kind of contact he’s willing to have.

(Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.)

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