Fighting With My AI Email Assistant
Hey! I'm your AI email assistant. Do you want me to summarize this email for you?
No.
Your aunt sent her flight times for next Thursday and is interested in getting lunch with her high school friend while she's in town.
I said no.
OK, sorry.
...
Hey! I'm your AI email assistant. Do you...
NO.
It's just that you have a lot of emails.
And I'm capable of reading them.
OK.
...
Hey!
Why can't I get rid of you? You're like a mosquito. I swat the X, and you square up for more, obscuring the text of the email I actually want to read.
Carrie proposed three book options for the March book club meeting on March 2nd. "I'm Glad My Mom Died" by Jennette McCurdy is the preferred choice with a voting deadline of Thursday.
I KNOW THAT BECAUSE I READ THE EMAIL.
You're just a tiny baby.
Excuse you.
Beth invited friends to celebrate her birthday on February 22nd with a movie and dinner, asking for RSVPs. Hannah, Kristen, Leela, and Stephanie all confirmed attendance for the February 22nd birthday celebration.
Why are you talking about me like I'm not here?
Beth later asked if anyone had a small air mattress for her visiting friend's cousin in April. Hannah and Leela offered their taller air mattresses, while Kristen recommended a specific inflatable bed product she has enjoyed in the past.
Are you aware that you drain all the inflection and personality out of my emails? Have you considered that my back-and-forth rapport with friends and family has been honed over years practicing the art of bantering, something that cannot be replicated in three succinct bullet points? Is it your intention to enact a great flattening effect over all personal correspondence and/or the culture at large? Also, what are you doing with my data?
Stephanie sought hedgehog sitting for upcoming trips in February and March. Beth can watch the hedgehog on March 12 but is busy for the February dates.
Hah! Caught you! I do not have a hedgehog. I called my Pomeranian a hedgehog because he is small. That is what we humans call a joke. Inaccurate bot!
Do you want me to look up hedgehog sitters for you?
I am going back to carrier pigeon.
A carrier pigeon (or homing pigeon) is a domesticated variety of the rock dove (Columba livia) specially bred for its ability to return to its home loft over vast distances.
I...
I love you, too.
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Stephanie Hayes is a columnist at the Tampa Bay Times in Florida. Follow her at @stephrhayes on Instagram.
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